Bear Banger and the Bunny Boys

A couple of hours after the mystery of the "secret admirer" had been solved, Merlin and Eliza returned with our little Russell. He was a little tired from his play date with Jamie and Hannah Periwinkle and pleased to see his mum.

"Hey Jack," said Merlin soon after they arrived, "You'd never guess. Alex Periwinkle told me something unusual about his dad."

I asked him to explain and he replied, "It turns out that, before he was married, Mack used to be in a music group. Alex had no idea."

"Ha. That is news," I said. "How did Alex find out?"

"His parents wanted to borrow their big room for a slide show, inviting a few of their pals, and Alex caught sight of a couple of the slides."

"I knew he'd played the harmonium for Kelvin Waters at a couple of weddings but a band? Well, he kept that quiet."

"That's not all," laughed Merlin, "as it turns out the other members of the band were Smokey Wildwood, Winston Cottontail, Gus Timbertop and Bernard Snow-Warren!"

"What?" I was astounded. "Chris has never mentioned this."

"I sort of get the impression that no-one knew."

Once my brother and his wife had left, Cecile looked up from playing with Russell. She had a knowing look in her eye.

"Go on. I know you want to go and find out more. I'm sure Christian Snow-Warren will want to quiz his father, too."

I smiled. She knew me so well. I gave her a kiss and then went to phone Chris.

It was true. Chris had no idea about his dad's musical past. As we walked to Bernard's cottage at the end of his garden, he mused about his childhood.

"I've not heard my dad sing recently, but he did have a reasonable voice. But you don't think about that sort of thing when you're little. I can't understand why he's never mentioned being in a band. 

Upon arriving, Chris confronted his dad.

Bernard smiled. "Well, I suppose the cat's out of the bag now. It was a long time ago, before any of us had met our brides to be. Except Gus Timbertop, that is. He was going out with Fern, and she tagged along to most of our shindigs. She took some photographs back then, and had them made into slides."

"And were these the ones you were showing at the Periwinkle's house?" I asked.

"Last night. Yes," said Bernard. "Fern had found the slides but had no way of showing them. Smokey Wildwood said he had a projector in his attic, so we arranged to have a viewing, bringing the band back together. It was a good night. Mack had Alex bring in an extra sofa so we could all sit comfortably."

Relaxing, he recalled the evening and led us through the events...

- o 0 O 0 o -

After we'd settled down, Smokey put Fern's slides into the cartridge, checking that they were the right way up before they were fed into the projector.

I was there with Fern and Gus to my right, then Smokey checked that the projector was properly facing the screen.

To his right, Mabel and Mack were snuggled on the smaller settee, and Winston Cottontail was at the far end.

"Right," said Smokey, "Can you turn out the lights, Winston?

So he got up - not quite as nimble as he was duck-walking across the stage with his guitar, mind you - and did the honours.

Job done, he went back to his seat and the show began.

The first slide showed Winston on his guitar.

The next slide showed Smokey on bass. Literally.

The next slide showed Mack Periwinkle on keyboards.He got up when his slide was being shown to remark about some defect there had been in the instrument, We told him to sit down.

The next slide showed me singing my heart out. Fern asked me if I could remember what I was singing. I couldn't but pretended I could. I actually sang a few bars there and then. And yes, they told me to sit down too.

The slide of Gus showed him throwing his drumstick in the air during a performance. We had to stop him doing that as he kept losing the stick and it was embarrassing asking the audience to give it back.

There were some other slides, but the one of the entire band was nice to see.

- o 0 O 0 o -

At that point Bernard went silent, back with his memories.

Chris brought him out of his reverie. "What was the band called, dad?"

"Oh?" said Bernard, "We called ourselves Bear Banger and the Bunny Boys."

"Bear Banger and the Bunny Boys?" said Chris and I in one voice.

"Well, it was Gus's band..."

"Okay," said Chris, shaking his head.

"...and it could have been worse. Fern wanted to call us the Bear Buns."

Chris and I spluttered with laughter. When we could keep a straight face, I asked the question that had been growing in my mind. "And why did you stop playing, Mr Snow-Warren?"

"Priorities, really. We got married, and decided to move to Mellowdene. Money was short. The kiddies came along. Life just sort of moved on."

"What about your instruments? Did you have to sell them?"

"They weren't ours. We rented them from the shop where Winston worked. It was a music shop and whilst he had a discount, we could just about afford them."

"And you've never been tempted to start playing again?

"After all these years we're really out of practice. Except maybe Mack. I guess most of the guys would be embarrassed to be heard."

"That's a shame."

Chris lightly punched his dad on the arm. "You could sing for us, though."

Bernard chuckled. "Maybe sometime. No - don't frown, Christian. I'm not fobbing you off. It's just that my voice isn't what it was. Perhaps if we found the right song."

"And the others?"

"Er, probably not. During the slide show we all realised something now that we have the benefit of maturity."

"What's that, dad?"

"About Bear Banger and the Bunny Boys - we weren't very good!"

The Secret Admirer (part two)

Christian Snow-Warren. One of my dearest friends and the person who puts words to my songs. It didn’t make sense that he would send a Valentine Card to my cousin Bobbie. Cecile goes shopping with Charity – Chris’s wife.  There’s been a long-standing friendship between the Buttergloves and Snow-Warrens for years. Brendan plays with Lucky. Beverley plays with Susan and Sophie. Biddie plays with Lisa.

And then I had a thought.  Lisa and her father Nigel live with Chris’s family. In the worst of the snowy weather he gave Chris a lift to my house on his skidoo. I looked at the card again. That wasn’t Chris’s handwriting. Could Nigel be the secret admirer? He was a widower and the children provided his connection to Bobbie’s family.

I turned to Cecile and Bobbie, who had been watching me look through the window.

“Well?” asked Cecile, “Do you think any of the three Seadog brothers could have written the card?”

“No,” I replied. “I can’t see them as poets.” I turned to Bobbie. “Tell me, do you have much to do with Nigel Snow-Warren?”

Cecile shook her head. “I can stop you there, Jack. Nigel won’t have written the card.”

I frowned. “It’s just that I think he has copied out some of Chris’s lyrics.”

Bobbie’s eyes widened. “Christian wrote the poem?”

I nodded. “I recognise the words as some old lyrics he wrote. Why couldn’t Nigel have copied them, Cessie?”

“It’s a bit of a secret yet, as Lisa doesn’t know, but Charity Snow-Warren let slip that Nigel has started seeing someone out of the village. I understand she’s called Tara Lapine-Frost.”

“Right,” I acknowledged. “Who else could have copied the lyrics, then?”

Bobbie burst out laughing, and came to her feet. “I know who did it! It was Lisa!”

A smile crept over Cecile’s face, so it was left to me to ask why Bobbie thought this.

“Two things that Biddie said," Bobbie explained. "I remember Biddie remarking that the chocolates were the same sort that Lisa had been given for Christmas. I expect this is the same box re-wrapped – which shows how long this has been in planning.”

“And the other thing?” asked Cecile.

“A couple of months ago, Biddie said that Lisa wished they were sisters, so I could be her mum. I remember being very touched at the time.”

"So Lisa is your secret admirer.”

“I think she must be.” said Bobbie, “It’s a bit of a relief, really. I’m happy sticking with my Butterglove family. At least for now.”

“What about Lisa?” asked Cecile.

Bobbie considered before answering. “I’ll have a quiet word with both her and Nigel. Separately.”

She laughed. “But I think we’ll eat the chocolates. I left them on your hall table!”

- o 0 O 0 o -

Bobbie was a little concerned that the description of Flash Bobtail as "reckless" may have given some the impression that he was a "bad sort". She stressed that this was certainly not the case; he was a loving and caring husband. He simply didn't think things through fully when it came to taking risks. It made for an exciting marriage, but his sense of danger wasn't as developed as it might have been. His passing is still felt deeply. Bobbie says that Biddie has her father's best attributes but thankfully her mother's sense of proportion!

The Secret Admirer (part one)

It was mid-February. Merlin and Eliza (my brother and his wife) had taken our toddlers to see some of the Periwinkles, and Brendan and Beverley were playing a board game upstairs. Cecile and I were taking advantage of the quiet morning – she was in the middle of a heavyweight novel and I was having fun improvising on the piano. We were interrupted by some laughter in the hall and the door flew open and in ran my cousin Bobbie and her daughter Biddie.

Biddie was laughing and waving a card in the air.

“Mummy’s got a secret admirer!”, she declared in a sing-song voice.

“Bedelia Butterglove – you come right here,” said Bobbie, obviously not expecting much of a response whilst Biddie was so excited.

 “Admirer, admirer, a secret admirer!” laughed Biddie.

Cecile patted the sofa. “Come on Biddie. Calm down and let your mother tell us about it.”

Biddie looked back at her mum, and then walked over to Cecile. She handed the card over.

Curious, I walked over to find out what all the fuss was about.

“Good girl. Now go on upstairs to play with Beverley and Brendan. I think they have some chocolate cookies.”

Biddie didn’t need telling twice. She blew a kiss at her mum and then skipped away. Before she disappeared out of the room, her voice rang out.

“Mummy got some posh chocolates too.”

Cecile raised her eyebrows and Bobbie’s shoulders slumped. “Okay,” she said.

As always, I was proud of my wife and how she could always put people at their ease. She waggled the card. “Can we read it?”

When Bobbie nodded, Cecile gestured for her to sit beside her on the sofa.

I could sort of understand Bobbie’s distress. She hadn’t shown any interest in dating since the death of her husband some years ago. It had been a short relationship. When Flash Bobtail had arrived in Mellowdene, the young Barbara Butterglove had fallen for him and they were soon married. They left to travel around Sylvania and no one knew when or if they would return. The trouble was, Flash was reckless both in work and play and – so the story goes – he fell off a roof whilst not taking sufficient care. Bobbie returned to Mellowdene with a new baby – Bedelia, nicknamed Biddie – and reverted to her maiden name. Perhaps she thought Bobbie Bobtail sounded too trivial. She moved in with her siblings, Samantha and Jonathan, and concentrated on raising her new daughter.

Rather than read the card aloud, Cecile read it silently before meeting Bobbie’s gaze, smiling warmly.

“Well, that’s lovely, Bobbie. Someone’s chosen a nice card and written a poem for you. They must think a lot of you to have created this. And there are some chocolates too?”

“Expensive ones. I’m not sure how to feel.”

Cecile patted Bobbie’s hand. “You’ve no obligation to feel anything, dear. But aren’t you curious who your secret admirer could be? Have you encountered any unattached gentlemen recently?”

Bobbie frowned. “Well, there’s William and Walter Waters. They’ve been doing some work on the house…”

I laughed. “Willy and Wally are basically two overgrown children. When they’re not working hard, they’re playing about – music, joking, sport, rough-housing – and I’m certain romance is not anywhere in their thoughts.”

Cecile chuckled. “He’s right, Bobbie. I saw them building snowmen last week.”

Bobbie joined in the laughter. She was beginning to calm down. “Not the Waters then. But other than them…  Horatio Seadog’s brothers aren’t married, are they?”

Amos, Owen and Irwin had joined their brother to do some work on the pleasure boat Marisa May, and they were renting Dockside Cottage. Unlike the Waters brothers they were decidedly mature in their outlook. It was possible that one of them might see an attractive bunny like Bobbie Butterglove and consider her worth pursuing. But…

“Did you say there was a poem in the card?” I asked, with the knowledge that not one of Horatio’s brothers had any literary leanings. “May I have a look?”

Cecile passed the card to me.

As I read the poem, I started to feel uncomfortable. I recognised the words. They were lyrics that I almost put to music a couple of years ago. They were written by my songwriting partner and good friend - Chris Snow-Warren.

The problem was - he was married. And I thought happily married.


(To be continued...)